Erotic sexual denial

Erotic sexual denial is the practice refraining from sexual experiences in order to increase erotic arousal and/or tension.[1] The prohibited experience can be narrowly or broadly defined and banned for a specific or indeterminate length of time depending on the practitioner. The experience withheld can be any favored or desired sexual activities, such as specific acts or positions, provided it is something the practitioner wants. Erotic sexual denial is commonly used as sex play between intimate partners, but it can also be indulged in as an individual practice.

Orgasm control practices like edging are well-known varieties of erotic sexual denial in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm.[2] Another form of erotic sexual denial is the reduction or deprivation of all genital stimulation, often ensured by use a chastity device or other physical barrier to genital touch or full erection. Another frequently mentioned variety is the use of dice or other games of chance by couples to determine how long a person to be withheld oral and/or penetrative sex, etc. from their partner. Erotic sexual denial is commonly, but not exclusively, practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage.

Denial practices

Tie and tease

To be able to control an orgasm of a partner in such sex games, physical restraints are commonly used. Situations involving bondage are typically called "tie and tease" and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of erotic denial. It is notable that in discussions between BDSM partners, negotiation usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to. Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.

Tease and denial

Tease and denial is a situation where a person is stimulated until they are close to orgasm, then stimulation is stopped, keeping the person on the brink of orgasm. It is sometimes referred to as "edging", or "edge play"[3]. This is similar to orgasm control, but without the promise of orgasm at the end.

If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm"[4], as opposed to being a "denied orgasm" (sometimes known in men as "blue balls"). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction ("blocked orgasm"). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.

Total denial

The practice of total sexual denial usually includes total avoidance of genital stimulation to the penis or vulva. This often involves the use of a physical barrier or device such as a chastity belt. Chastity belts or similar locking devices are available for both men and women. Depending on the situation, sexual arousal may still be possible regardless of physical barriers to genital stimulation. This, however, depends on the belt used.

Male strap-on harness

A strap-on dildo may be worn by a male to still allow penetrative vaginal sex to the female while denying the male partner the ability to orgasm, and the male then may also wear a chastity belt.[5] This is distinct from pegging, as the strap-on in this case replaces the penis of the male. This can be seen as a form of total denial if the strap-on replaces the penis throughout the whole duration of the play, or as a form of teasing if the strap-on is only used during foreplay. In the last case, the strap-on can be used to prolong penetrative sex and thus sexually satisfy the female partner in case the male suffers from premature ejaculation.[6][7][8]

As a form of control

Erotic sexual denial, in various forms, is associated with creating a state of sexual need leading to a more pliable or agreeable outlook by the denied (sub) party.

Orgasm denial practices can allow the dominant lover to exercise and control their submissive lover both intimately and psychologically in all significant aspects of their submissive lovers' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Dominant lovers can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power over the submissive lover and can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensive feelings of erotic control and sexualised objectification from of their submissive lover.

Orgasm denial as a way of orgasm control is a widely practiced activity, the dominant will often deny the submissive sexual release to maintain their heightened state of sexual arousal, as a way to satisfy their desires for erotic humiliation, or as a way to satisfy the dominant's own desires to erotically humiliate their submissive lover. Erotic humiliation enforces the dominants control over their submissive lover such as making the sub complete all daily household chores, taking the submissive's masculinity with enforced panty wearing, and by being forced to eat their own orgasm either as punishment for orgasm without permission or as a condition of being granted permission for orgasm, this in particular should be strictly enforced by the dominant to reinforce the dominants control over their sub lover.

See also

Further reading

  • Georgia Ivey Green, A KeyHolder's Handbook
  • Georgia Ivey Green, Ultimate Guide to Tease and Denial
  • Ken Addison, Around Her Finger
  • Lucy Fairbourne, Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders
  • Elise Sutton, Female domination
  • Barbara Wright Abenathy, Venus on Top
  • Gorgeann Cross, Sexual Power for Women


  1. Reagene, Dominic Paul (2014). BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition. New York: Muze Management Publishing. p. 46. ISBN 9781507033999.
  2. Reagene, Dominic Paul (2014). BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition. New York: Muze Management Publishing. p. 82. ISBN 9781507033999.
  3. Jewell, Tim. "A Guide to Mastering Orgasm Control for More Satisfying Sex". Archived from the original on 27 August 2019. Retrieved 17 September 2019.
  4. Hsieh, Carina (31 July 2019). "Everything You Need to Know About Ruined Orgasms". Cosmopolitan. Archived from the original on 10 October 2019. Retrieved 17 September 2019.
  5. "Male Dildo Harness - A guide for Men how to wear a strap-on". Archived from the original on 31 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  6. "Beginners Guide: Purchasing Your First Strap-On Harness | Gritty Woman". Archived from the original on 9 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  7. "Savage Love Letter of the Day: He's Perfect, But a Premie - Slog - The Stranger". Archived from the original on 30 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  8. "Rose Answers: Premature Ejaculation 101 – Pure Pleasure Shop". Archived from the original on 30 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.

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